The PCOS Roller Coaster

I've been absent from the blogging for a few days--sorry to the 3 people who read this! PCOS has been taking its toll on me this past week. The Ramsey Center was closed for renovations and I fell back into the lack-of-exercise lull. I've been exhausted this week. I'm still debating on getting a glucose meter for the days when I feel like this, so I know what my sugar is doing and how I feel at the same time. That's the roller coaster aspect of dealing with PCOS. Some days I feel great and some days I can barely get out of bed. But, I'm learning and not giving up--which I believe is the key to beating this thing!

I had a tiny gain on WI on Saturday, which I'm not beating myself up about. I just accepted it and moved forward! Sunday David and I went kayaking with Broad River Outpost and it was FANTASTIC! I calculated it up at 41 Activity Points for the 4 hour trip and I felt every one of them! That was a really awesome way to relieve some stress and enjoy God's beautiful creation (along with man's creation--daredevil drunken tricks--of groups along the way.) Trust me, way more fun sober--and as hard as it was to maneuver some parts of the river, drinking would be just plain dangerous!

I've done really well realistically with watching my WW plan and putting it into action. Tomorrow I'm going to make something called the Green Monster, a smoothie that is supposed to help with energy. I'm actually excited about it! Its basically spinach, milk, flax seeds, a banana and some ice. I'll let you know how it goes!

This was my quote today: You're the only person who knows what's right for you. The only one. And if you already know what that is, commit to it. If you don't, commit to nothing.

Words to live by.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...

So this week was definitely one of the most stressful weeks I've had in a while... but, I came to an understanding that it isn't the situations that stress me out, its how I respond to situations. So this week, I'll be working on making the choice to respond or "act" instead of "re-acting."

The Ramsey Center was closed this week for renovations so I didn't workout at all last week... I also had planned on walking at lunch--a whopping 5 APs--but the heat index was well into the 110+ zone and no matter how hydrated you are, that just isn't safe or smart, so I didn't do that either. I stayed OP almost every day, and used a few of my extra weekly 35, but all in all I was having a rough week and anticipating a gain....well, instead on Saturday morning I was pleased to see a lovely -0.6lb from the week prior. Small stuff, but still a big step in the right direction! That brings me to a whole 4 pounds in two weeks--a MAJOR victory in the battle against PCOS, Insulin Resistance and my weight. So rather than say "well, I ONLY lost .6 this week..." I've chosen to be just as pumped as last week! I'm not sweating the small stuff, I'm celebrating it!!

Sometimes, especially in the days where I'm feeling down or insecure, its nice to remember why I'm doing this...why I've chosen to quit all the prescriptions and take things into my own hands--the main goal of losing weight and becoming a healthier me isn't just for myself. It has nothing to do with how David feels about me... or what my friends or strangers think.... I'm doing this--fighting this battle--for the babies I hope to have some day. Granted, that's MANY years down the road...that is a driving factor. I don't know what role PCOS will play in my future, but I know what I'm doing about it right now. And right now, its what will count in the long run.

I had a great day at the lake with some of my favorite people and my puppy and I'm really looking forward to my baby brother's birthday party next Saturday and a Manley kayaking trip on Sunday....those are things to get me through the week :o) and maybe next week I'll have a 5lb star to write about!

Here's to a better week, more activity, and counting your blessings!

Nervous about Week 2

Week two on my WW journey is here and weigh in is 5 days away...I'm a little nervous this week because I want so badly to be happy with the results again this week. Last week I was moderately hoping for a .5lb loss and was flabbergasted when I was down 3.4 pounds!!

So far, I've done really well on my water and even mastered a minor snafu when the DBF wanted Bojangles' (Ham biscuit and green beans anyone??? 6.5 points. Not too shabby!) Tonight we has pasta...whole wheat penne with "Norma" sauce--basically tomatoes, eggplant, basil and ricotta--which was delicious and I had saved some points to spring for the cheese!

For some positivity, I am so proud to say I accomplished a major non-scale victory (NSV) today: I said NO! When someone wanted me to take on yet another additional project, and I very politely said I just didn't have the time! GO ME!!!! I know it sounds silly, but that was a HUGE empowering moment for me!

Here's to hoping everyone has a great week!

Negatives are Positive!!

So, for the first time in TWO YEARS I've seen the bathroom scale go DOWN!! This week, I am absolutely elated to say that I lost 3.4 pounds!!!!!!! I was only expecting or hoping for a half pound loss, maybe so I was pleasantly surprised to see the numbers this morning :o)

Now, I'm off for the Farmer's Market and a trip to the vet with my Samma Lamma!

Wooooooohooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Two weeks makes a habit?

So, the thought recently occurred to me that this is a great took for some of my WW buddies to get to know my journey and my share with me about their own. For the family that reads this, I'm going to start throwing in a TON of acronyms but for hilarity I'm not going to post a key. :o)

So, here is some background information (but feel free to read through my entire history if you're really bored!): in December of 2008 I was diagnosed with a condition called PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome--there I gave you 1 definition) after gaining 60 pounds in a period of 5 months while exercising and eating healthy--like obnoxiously healthy. For me, PCOS affects my blood sugar in the form of high insulin resistance (think diabetes) which affects my daily life in a million different ways including periods of tear-ridden insanity when my sugar drops too low. I took 13 pills for a year and a half without feeling any better and 5 doctors later: no more pills. I'm doing it the "hard way" and learning to love myself more in the process!!

Now for some stats:
(Family--do NOT repeat this information; WW buddies (who are mostly people I've never met!) feel free to use this as it helps you on your journey too!
--
March 2007: 135lbs
CW: 214.4lbs
GW: 145 lbs (the doctors say 113-130 but I don't *want* that as my goal!)
WI: Saturdays (am)
Next Goal: 5% (203.6lbs)
WW: July 25, 2010
--

They say it takes two weeks to form a habit and I must say that after 72 hours back on track with WW my life is changed!! I have spent 4 days completely OP(on plant/points--there, I lied again!) and I can't tell you how amazing I feel. Monday night when I came home from the gym I could have sworn I had already lost 50 pounds and I was soaring! The next morning I was just sore--but I felt SO good. Today, I took the day off from workouts to give my muscles a night off, but I still went for a nice walk with Sam (doggy)and I still feel really good!

Some of my first goals were to get plenty of GHGs in and so far, so good! I've gotten all my water in, limited my caffeine and I'm even getting DAIRY--which I HATE thanks to Kroger's low-carb yogurt with 3g of sugar (2pts for peach!!).

I've even gotten David on board (David=DBF, for you WW people) and as always, he is SO supportive of me and encouraging. It just makes me feel good!

So, I think all it takes is a split second to make a decision to make a habit. When I woke up Sunday morning I made the decision to get my life back on track so I NEVER have to take those awful pills again, and in 72 short hours I'm feeling the best, happiest, prettiest, AWESOMEST(!) I've felt in many, many years and I don't even WI until Saturday--BUT realistically, the PCOS makes losing weight much harder so I'm trying not to get too excited about LOSING, just more excited about DOING!

214 and we're not talking Valentine's Day!

So, I went to my follow up appointment with my 5th doctor in the PCOS journey and his final advice: join a gym. Thanks, buddy! Glad I'm busting my butt to have health insurance so I can PAY you to tell me that. Fast forward a little and I find out that Georgia has one of the top 3 PCOS specialists in the country, and no one has told me! Again, THANKS.

So, basically my doctors all have completely different opinions of whether I do or not, but I am currently off all 13 medications and I actually feel fantastic, so kudos to me! That is the good news: no pills. The drawback is that one doctor says I have PCOS and the other says he "isn't fully convinced" I do. Doctor #2, I feel, doesn't fully believe my story--which is frustrating--because I know I'm telling the truth, I'm not looking for an excuse and I'm not looking for a "miracle" I'm looking for a real answer.

I've now gained a whopping 79.4 pounds since I graduated high school...yep, two years...and it didn't happen "overnight" but it happened so quickly that I don't mentalize myself as being so incredibly overweight...I still mentally see myself at 135ish, but then I see my shadow or clothes and reality hits.... I call it reverse shallow-hal...

So, I've done pretty well with drinking my water and I'm doing a really good job of getting fruits and veggies, but I'm still seeing basically a ZERO change in the scale or the way my clothes fit, which makes me sad. Not angry, sad.

Starting today (!) I've joined Weight Watchers (WW) again, using just the online features this time to save money and a coworker and I are going to bust it at the Ramsey Center on campus after work on weekdays. I'm hopeful and I'm excited! My first goal is to get back into a number that begins in "1" because "2" is a number I never thought I'd see on the scale...

One thing I urge anyone who happens to read this to do: reconsider your views on people who are overweight (or have any type of special mental/physical needs). Not all who have gained weight did so by being unhealthy. I gained mine at a time when I was most active, most healthy and least lazy ever--and I'm not going to give up until I find the reason my body is telling me something is wrong. It takes a ton of courage to post this here and be honest and open about something that is so embarrassing to me, but I HAVE to let it out, and be accountable...and I know in the long run, I'm helping myself and maybe someone else!

How do You Eat an Elephant?

One bite at a time.



So, I suppose a lot had happened since my last post. Work has been extra hectic and when you partner that with school--yikes. So, on May 25 David and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary, which I have to say feels more like 10 years by now (in a good way, of course!). Also on that day I got a second opinion about my PCOS.

Basically, this new doctor isn't fully convinced either way about my diagnosis. While he has more experience with "andorgenized" women--those with PCOS-related hormonal imbalances, etc. he isn't 100% convinced that I have it based on a number of things. His recommendation: stop taking all those awful pills. HALLELUJAH! Its a pretty good thing, too, because I had already stopped about a week ahead of time because they all made me feel so awful. I'd rather be overweight than to go through life feeling horrible, nauseous, and constantly having a headache and worrying about eating every 2 hours on the dot. The results: I feel AWESOME! I do still have to eat regularly because of the insulin resistance, but overall I feel SO good! I'm sure the locally grown, hormone free foods help too! POSITIVE, in fact.

In other good news, I had only gained 1 pound. Singular. ONE. Since January. Now, that in itself is a HUGE milestone because I had basically been gaining about 5 pounds a months (I think) while TRYING to lose weight. The drawback? I'm STILL the heaviest I've ever been in my life...which makes me sad...I don't feel guilty, I feel sad.

So, this leads me to my topic: How to you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

According to all those awful websites, I'm supposed to weigh 135 pounds max. MAX? Are they crazy?! No thank you. I'd be perfectly happy in the 150s, 160s or even 175s right now, let's just be honest. I'm lucky though, because unlike millions of young women, I seek to be realistic: I love my curves, I love my figure, I love MYSELF. Who I am as a person is someone I absolutely adore. And I don't mean that to sound conceited, I just wish there were more people promoting "healthy" not "size ___" or "____lbs" as a definition of beauty. Because I firmly believe that "beauty" is just not physical. It doesn't even START with the physical...it starts with the heart. Cliches are used so often because they're TRUE. So it goes...

So, since I don't have to making taking ALL of my 14 pills a goal anymore, I created two new weekly goals and one monthly goal: drink my water and walk each day; and to lose 3 lbs by 7/15 when I go back to the doctor. I know the latter sounds very low, but you have to understand that to a potentially PCOS woman with known insulin resistance, weight loss is harder on the body than a non-PCOS/IR woman. I'm so proud of myself to be able to say that today, I drank ALL my water and walked a nice, moderately intense, route at lunch with two ladies from my office. Again, I feel GREAT. It isn't just the physical, but also the emotional. The simple fact that I know I'm doing something good for my body and my health makes me feel happy, positive and relaxed. I'm working on my elephant one bite at a time.

I think that's a lesson I need to remember as I work on reaping my harvest: one bite at a time. I'm so tempted to do a million things at once and place all these unrealistic expectations on myself: keep a 4.0, keep all my work flowing smoothly, get the promotion, exercise non-stop, eat right 100%--none of those are realistic or sustainable. One bite at a time is, so that is how I'm choosing to try and live my life from here on out.