Monday, May 16, 2011

Live the Life You've Imagined

This is a painting I bought from a local artist, cap man (two words, all lowercase, he likes to say). Live the life you've imagined.

I've been living with a lot of hate lately. I hate my job most days now, I hate that I've become a work-a-holic (bad English and bad news), and I hate the person I've become because I'm trying so hard to be a good worker. I can't believe it happened to me, but I should've seen it coming a mile away. My first week, a co-worker told me NOT to volunteer for anything. I really should have listened.

I hate that I don't sleep anymore because I can't relax. I hate that if I do sleep, I dream about all the things I didn't get done the day prior. I hate that on Sunday mornings, my first thought is "I don't have anything specific to do today, I should go into work." WHAT?! This is NOT the life I imagined.

What's worse is that I hate that I can actually list sooo many things I "hate" in one blog, but I need to let it out, so I will continue until I feel better. I love the people I work with, and in all honesty, I love the work I do...I just have too much on my plate and it just keeps getting piled on. My own fault, I know. My daddy says I've got a good job, and he's right! And I'm so grateful for my job, but I miss my life.

I miss feeling like I'm living the dream and loving life. My "awe and wonder" attitude has been replaced with chest pains and tight shoulders. My apartment is a wreck, my grades are suffering, and I can't remember the last time I did something just FUN or SILLY or RELAXING. I've forgotten how to live. This is not the life I've imagined....not by a long shot.

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