Thursday, February 10, 2011

Digging for gold...

Some days, its hard to remember all the ways we are loved when so many people, media outlets, facebookers, strangers, etc. are constantly dogging on how bad things are. We, unfortunately, live in the land of the easily offended and that often results in such a focus on the bad and straying from the good. Why? Because good, happy, warm fuzzies don't sell as many magazines, get as many hits on YouTube or CNN and the don't get remembered....or do they?

I'm of the opinion that there is always good to be found in every situation. Everyone on this earth deserves happiness and love and to be free of judgment and everyone has something to offer--something to teach--something to show you...its just that sometimes you have to look a lot harder to find the value in the small things and frustrating situations.

Sometimes my life with (or without--its yet to be determined) PCOS is like digging for gold (thanks to the History Channel for the idea). You have lots of dirt and rocks and water eroding the dirt and rocks, but you know that somewhere in all the mud is gold. Something worth thousands per ounce (and think of an ounce as a piece of string cheese). But--you have to work for it. And just when you think things are going perfectly according to plan, your machine breaks setting you back a few days and a few thousand bucks. Still worth the trouble? The blood, sweat and tears? YES!

See, I'm constantly mining to find the gold in the situation of PCOS. Things change, there are kinks in my plan, but I keep looking. I have to. I can't give up yet, I don't have all the answers and I refuse to do anything halfway. And then, when you least expect it, in a pan full of silt, something glitters...almost invisible...but its there if you look hard enough. That's gold.

Right now, I'm digging. Panning actually, I've got my bucket full of dirt and I'm just waiting to see what I can find. I've finally found a doctor who listened to me, did some labs and by next Tuesday, I should have my next step planned out. The gold I've already found is a new perspective. A love for myself, that I have to admit requires a pep-talk every now and then. And a support system found in the unlikeliest of places.

Everything that glitters isn't gold, but all that is gold does not glitter.

"I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more!"

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